I am a work in progress, dressed in the fabric of a world unfolding..

So I’ve been through many a livejournal, and all they seem to do is create drama. I am making this blog to share my thoughts with anyone who wants to read them, but in all likelyhood not be found by people who want to create drama.

So I’ve been spending this summer in Cherokee, NC. I’m working as an actor this summer in the play Unto These Hills…a Retelling. It’s been a rather frustrating but rewarding situation.

 

Unprofessional, in a word.

something cherokee this way comes..

However, I have grown in ways as an artist and a person that I never really anticipated experiencing at this juncture in my life. I am for once happy to be single and I have had almost a full three months to really get to know and love myself. I have always struggled with this, moving very quickly from person to person, and always generally looking far into the future before it was ever called for, which lead to many blunders and heartaches. I couldn’t imagine just seeing someone, no commitments, just really getting to know them and feeling everything out.

The people up here have really helped with that. Some have been helpful in advice, others in actions. I watched my own relationship fall apart due to the overwhelming level of commitment that was demanded of me. While I am not pretending to be a perfect person, nor am I pretending that I was just in my selfishness, I know that the reason the relationship broke down for me was my partners inability to take it a day at a time, and the reason it broke down for him and eventually breaking up with me was because I was unable to make promises for years in the future.

As an artist, I have grown in ways that I never anticipated. The script is less than desirable, but I have worked hard all summer and I am pleased with the results. The audience gives the leading cast a really positive response every night.

I have also grown tremendously thanks to the canteen shows. I directed and performed in Dog Sees God: Confessions of a Teenage Blockheadand I am now working on 2 shows written and directed by one of the actors. I have been able to take the night after night repetition and acting practice and applied it to these shows. The parts (all 4, including UTH) are a pretty wide range, and I have found it enjoyable to work on all of them.

I have also learned a lot about myself spiritually. I have taken a great interest in the Quaker, Buddhist, and Kabbalist religions. I plan on looking into them more intently when I get back into Richmond, particularly the Quaker religion.

I am truely begining my life. I just sigined a lease and paid paid rent for an apartment. I am getting ready to pay all of my bills and work for a living rather than sitting around looking for my parents permission and approval.

 

I am finally me. Or at least well on my way.

have you ever lost yourself in a kiss?

“have you ever been kissed by god? passionately (tongue, lips, etc.)? or are you one who simply condemns god to the realm of the invisible? when do you feel most comfortable? when do you feel most loved? perhaps it is in the warm embrace of your lover or in the assuring touch of your mother. perhaps, like me you have likened this person to god in your life and realized that god was loving you through them. or maybe you don’t believe in god. cool. here’s a simpler question: have you ever lost yourself in a kiss? i mean pure psychedelic inebriation. not just lustful petting but transcendental metamorphosis when you become aware that the greatness of this being was breathing into you. licking the sides and corners of your mouth, like sealing a thousand fleshy envelopes filled with the essence of your passionate being and then opened by the same mouth and delivered back to you, over and over again – the first kiss of the rest of your life. a kiss that confirms that the universe is aligned, that the world’s greatest resource is love, and maybe even that god is a woman. with or without a belief in god, all kisses are metaphors decipherable by allocations of time, circumstance, and understanding. this book is a result of a kiss.”

-Saul Willaims